11.20.10: The Plan

Okay, so here’s the plan:

Week One:  Get control of eating.  I think that’s pretty good – my “cheat day” today included half of a beer, a gyro, and a mock milkshake made with frozen yogurt and 1% milk (totally delicious), and less than 2000 calories on the day.

So next week is Week Two, and that’s going to build on Week One.  For Week Two, we’re going to exercise for at least 30 minutes, at least 3 days.  Surely I can manage that … and Thanksgiving is Thursday, and I’ve already planned to do whatever I want on that day, Roman Bacchanalia-food-orgy style.  Giving myself that permission probably means I won’t really go too hog-wild.  And the truth is, I don’t feel like going hog wild.  I feel like getting my life in order.  And a life in order rarely includes the phrase “hog wild.”

About mid-way through Week Two, I’ll determine a goal for Week Three.  I suspect it will have something to do with strength training.

My mood’s been awful today.  Could be hormonal, to some extent, but could also just be situational.  Baby Girl didn’t nap much today – 20 minutes in the morning, as opposed to her typical hour-plus (and two hours yesterday!).  Then 30 minutes at a time, twice this afternoon, and a little longer this evening.  She’s so small, I don’t feel like I can cram her into a schedule.  The food schedule is pretty smooth at this point, but napping is up to her, really.  She has “tendencies” more than a “schedule,” as such.  Anyway.  Bad mood.  Feeling really weirdly stuck.  No forward progress (hence my weekly goal-setting above.  I should do the same for the blog.  But my confidence waxes and wanes on that, so I haven’t felt compelled to be as focused toward it.  Which is stupid, because now is the time to make it happen.  When there’s no writing work, when I have all this help with the baby – if I just ask for it – and when the slate is clean), fear about selling our old house, fear about the future, which is so unknown.  And feeling like I’ve been in this limbo for months and months and months.

I put out some feelers to some old friends today, so I’ll feel a little more connected then – to my past, sure, but these are friends to last into the future as well.  Then I hope I won’t feel so baby-baby-baby all the time.

There hasn’t been much point to these ramblings, has there?  But I’m supposed to write, so I’m writing.  Thinking it’s close to time for bed, though.  I’m going to get up early in the morning – not going to wait for Baby Girl.  Then I’ll at least start the day with some minutes to myself.  And that’s fine.  I need to commit to doing what I need to do to have things for myself.  Baby Girl will be the better for it, and I certainly will be the better for it.

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