01.02.11: Back to SquareOne. Again.

Back at home now after a quick trip to see family and friends in Mister’s stomping grounds.  Football to watch, laundry to do, baby sleeping (for now).

Really lost my mind this past week-and-a-few-days, from an eating and drinking standpoint.  It’s hard to break the old habit of turning holidays and celebrations into 24/7 bacchanals.  That attitude of excess and madness does not do a person any good in the long run.  It’s also hard not to go nutso when Mister is around.  When he’s here, the baby’s feet never touch the ground, and I actually have to ask nicely if I want to hold her.  So what do I do when my arms are empty, and my hands are looking for something to do?  Why, I eat and drink, of course.  That’s what a wellness educator-type person should do, right?

It’s painful to witness my own struggles.  And it’s doubly painful to witness them again.  I’ve seen this movie before, shouldn’t I be able to fast-forward through the middle part?  But the really crappy and difficult thing about these journeys and struggles is that you have to witness every minute, and you have to be aware every minute.  That’s the essence of the trial: full participation.  If you’re not paying attention, if you’re not completely involved, then you’ll miss the lessons that you need to learn so you can build on them.

So I’ve seen the movie, and now I’m sitting through … what?  The remake?  The sequel?  The re-imagining of an old tale?  Whatever direction the metaphor goes.  The point is, I’ve made a mess of myself for over a week.  And the time to fix it is NOW.  I cannot allow myself to clobber myself on the head for acting a fool, knowing all the while that I was being a fool, and that I was going to pay.  It was dumb.  But I did it.  Tomorrow morning, the scale will tell me what a fool I was.  So I’ll lace up my shoes and get back out there, one hopes having learned something.  AGAIN!

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